Snake Bond
by ZombieRabbit
Summary: R for lang. this is just a fic. i wrote that i thought i'ld share with you, snake plays james bond in a movie, there i said enough, and no i don't own anything, happy?


"Ok Snake so this is the movie, picture yourself as James Dond, you need to save the world, ok, got it?"

"Got it" Snake, said annoyed.

"Ok and action" 

"….."

"Snake what happened? Why didn't you say your lines?"

"What lines?"

"The lines that were in the script?"

"What script?"

"The one we gave to you about a month ago, the one we told you to read and practice."

"Umm, no speaka e English."

"Fine then we can just tell the models that were going to play the love scene with you to go back, since you can't speak English."

"Wait!" "I can speak English, keep them here!"

"Ha!"

"Damn you!"

"Snake, fine just go back to your dressing room and we'll send you a copy of the script, that you can READ and PRACTICE!"

" Hey don't hate me, I'm just an alien!"

"No you're not."

"Yes I am."

" Fine Mr. Alien, prove it."

" Umm E.T. phone home."

"You're not E.T."

"How would you know?"

"Snake just go to your dressing room, and practice your lines."

"Fine Mr. Bossy!"

* A month later*

" You got your lines down yet?"

"What lines?"

"Snake you mean to tell me you didn't practice your lines?!"

"Don't worry, I'll just improvise."

"Fine, just go on stage and "improvise"."

"Ok got it."

*Snake just stands there looking at the stage*

"Do what now?"

"Go on the stage."

"Got it…..do what now?"

"Go on the damn stage!"

"Ok got it…..do what now?"

*Director pushes Snake onto the stage*

"Ok Snake, you just got into the enemy's hide out, now peek over the corner and then stand up straight, got it?"

"Yep, but I'll need one thing."

"Fine go get it then."

* Snake leaves and comes back with a box in hand*

"Snake what's that?"

"Hey don't diss the box man!"

"Fine."

* Snake hides under the box*

* Snake peeks over the corner*

"What the?!" the director shouts.

* Snake gets out of the box and points his gun at the director's face*

"Hey what I'd tell you about the box?"

"Ok, ok, it stays."

"Damn right it does."

"Oh and a question Mr. Know-It-all-box-hater"

"What?"

"Do you know what ever happened to 002?"

"No I don't sorry."

"Well do you know what happened to 001?"

"No, sorry."

" I know 005 and 008 were women." Snake said pretending to be smart.

"Do you know what happened to all the other 00's before 007?" Snake asked snobbishly.

(Wow snobbishly is a word!)

"No snake I don't, now go back onto the stage."

* Snake goes onto the stage and hides under his box*

" Secret agent man, secret agent man! They've given you a number and taken away your name!"

"What are you doing Snake, and why would James Bond sing a song about himself?"

"Leave me alone, you're messing up my creativeness."

"Creativeness?"

"Yes, my creativeness."

"Ok, but no more singing"

" But I like to sing!"

"Snake, James Bond would not sing a song when he's hiding from his enemies, in his enemy's own hideout!"

"How would you know?"

"Because it's stupid to sing at a time like that."

"Why?"

"Because it is."

"Why?"

"Because it just is."

"Why?"

"You know Snake people really like it when you say WHY all the time!"

"What?"

"I said, you know Snake people really like it when you say WHY all the time!"

"Huh?"

"People don't like it when you say WHY all the time!"

"Fine don't need to tell me twice!"

"Snake I told you three times!"

"Fine, I'm leaving."

* Snake moves under his box off the stage*

"Snake stay here, I'm sorry"

"Fine but now I get to sing!"

"No singing!"

"Yes singing!"

"No singing!"

* Snake moves under his box to the director and points his gun out through the handle*

"Yes singing!"

"Fine, fine."

After all the days spent, the movie unbelievably came out

* Snake all dressed up, went down to his seat to watch his movie*

* The lights faded out and the movie started*

"No talking during the movie" a voice said as the movie began.

"Yeah that's right all you talky people out there, you talk and I'll blow you head off."

* Silence*

* In the back row someone was chewing on popcorn*

" Hey what'd I say?!" Snake said pointing his gun at the back row.

* The chewing stopped*

After 2 hours, the movie was over, all the people got up and left, no one said a word

The whole movie was Snake running around under his box, in some parts when his enemies came into the movie they just said oh no the incredibly handsome, strong and incredibly smart Snake is here we must all flee in fright, Snake got out of his box only a few times to say something about how great he is, most times when he was under his box he sang the secret agent man song, 

The codec rang once though in the movie, Snake picked it up shouted I told you never to call me when I'm in the box, then hung up

* People left the movie theatre stupider then when they came in* 

A/N Ok so that's my story, it has a lot to do with what me and my friend talked about a lot during my last weeks at my old school, and some parts are from Dixie, but that's just because we always used to say stuff like that so I didn't think she'ld mind if I wrote that stuff in cause it's both of ours to write. I hope you like it.


End file.
